If you’ve ever carried a screaming toddler out of a store while everyone stared at you, welcome to the club. You’re officially a parent.
I’m a university professor who teaches conflict resolution and HR management. I help adults solve problems every day. But here’s the truth: negotiating with grown-ups is much easier than dealing with a two-year-old who wants a candy bar.
Last week, my son had a major meltdown at our local grocery store. I want to share what happened and the practical toddler tantrum tips that actually work when you’re standing in the cereal aisle, feeling like the worst parent in the world.
What Happened at the Grocery Store
The shopping trip started well. My son was wearing his striped pajamas (yes, we left the house like that), and he was happily exploring the bottom shelves of the store.
Everything was fine until he found a snack he wanted.
The Moment Every Parent Dreads
This is when toddler tantrums in public usually begin. Your child grabs something. You say no. They start crying. Everyone looks at you.
In that moment, you have two choices:
- Say “no” and deal with the screaming.
- Buy the snack just to keep them quiet.
I used to pick option two. It seemed easier. But I learned that giving in only makes tantrums worse over time.
How to Calm a Toddler Tantrum: The Choice Technique
Instead of grabbing the snack away from him (which always causes screaming), I tried something different.
I gave him two choices:
“You can hold that snack while we walk around, but we need to put it back before we leave. Or you can put it back now and choose a banana instead.”
He didn’t like either option. But here’s what happened: giving him a choice made him feel like he had some control. This is one of the best ways to stop toddler tantrums without giving in.
Why this works: Toddlers are learning to be independent. They want to make decisions. When you offer choices (even small ones), you respect their need for control while still setting boundaries.
The Silent Protest (And Why That’s Actually Good)
After we put the snack back, I knew a meltdown was coming, so I quickly scooped him up and carried him outside to a quieter spot. I expected screaming and tears. Instead, my son gave me “the face.”
You know the one. Nose scrunched up. Eyes squinting. Leaning on his elbows with that look of pure sass. He wasn’t crying, but he was definitely upset with me.
This moment taught me something important about how to handle toddler tantrums in the grocery store: you don’t need to fix their feelings right away.
I used to feel embarrassed when my son looked upset in public. I worried about what other shoppers were thinking. Now I know better.
His feelings are real and valid. Being disappointed is part of learning. My job isn’t to make him happy every second. My job is to stay calm and let him work through his emotions in a safe manner.
So I stood nearby, stayed quiet, and waited. After about two minutes, he was fine again.
What to Do When Your Toddler Has a Tantrum in Public: Three Simple Steps
Sometimes the silent protest doesn’t happen. Sometimes your toddler goes straight to full-volume screaming. Here’s what I do:
Step 1: Change the Location
Don’t try to calm a screaming child in the middle of a busy aisle. There’s too much noise and too many people.
Calmly pick up your child and move somewhere quieter. This could be:
- Outside the store
- A quiet corner
- Your car
Changing the environment helps reset their brain and gives them space to calm down.
Step 2: Stay Calm (Like a Rock)
This is the hardest part. When your child is screaming and people are staring, you want to get angry or embarrassed.
But here’s the secret to staying calm during toddler tantrums: you cannot control your child’s emotions, but you can control your own.
I imagine myself as a heavy rock. The tantrum is like a storm crashing against the rock. The storm is loud and messy, but the rock doesn’t move. It just stays steady and solid.
When you stay calm, you show your child that emotions are okay, and they will pass.
Step 3: Reconnect After the Storm
Once your toddler calms down, don’t stay angry with them. Toddlers move on quickly, and you should too.
Give them a hug. Smile at them. Get back to shopping as if nothing happened.
This shows them: “I love you, even when you’re upset. We’re okay.”
Five minutes after my son’s protest face, he was smiling and chatting again. The crisis was completely over.
The Real Goal (It’s Not What You Think)
Many parents think the goal is to raise a child who never has tantrums. Let me tell you: that’s impossible.
Toddlers are learning how to be people. They’re learning about disappointment, boundaries, and emotions. Sometimes that learning process is loud and happens in Target.
The real goal is this: Be the parent who can handle the tantrum without falling apart yourself.
You won’t prevent every public meltdown. But you can learn how to handle them with patience and calm.
Why Toddler Tantrums in Public Feel So Hard
Let’s be honest. Tantrums at home are easier to manage. At home, nobody is watching you. Nobody is judging your parenting.
But in public, it feels like everyone has an opinion. Some people give you the “control your child” look. Others give you the sympathetic “I’ve been there” nod.
Here’s what helped me: I stopped caring what strangers think.
Those people don’t know my child. They don’t know my parenting journey. They see 30 seconds of our day and make judgments. That’s their problem, not mine.
I focus on my child and do what’s right for him. That’s all that matters.
Quick Toddler Tantrum Tips You Can Use Today
Let me summarize the strategies that work for me:
Before the tantrum:
- Set clear expectations (“We’re buying three things today, then we leave”)
- Bring snacks (hungry toddlers = more tantrums)
- Don’t shop during nap time.
During the tantrum:
- Offer choices instead of just saying “no.”
- Move to a quiet space if they’re screaming.
- Stay calm and boring (don’t yell or get emotional)
- Let them feel their feelings.
After the tantrum:
- Reconnect with a hug or kind words.
- Don’t bring it up again.
- Move forward with your day.
My Final Thoughts
Learning how to handle toddler tantrums in public doesn’t happen overnight. I still have hard days. Sometimes I carry my son out of the store like a sack of potatoes while he screams.
But I’m getting better at staying calm. I’m getting better at not feeling embarrassed. And my son is slowly learning that tantrums don’t get him what he wants.
If you’re struggling with this right now, please know: you’re not alone. Every parent has been there. Every parent has felt that embarrassment and frustration.
You’re doing better than you think. Keep going.
And next time your toddler gives you the “sassy protest face”? Try not to laugh. (I know it’s hard.)
What are your biggest challenges with toddler tantrums? Have you found any strategies that work well for your family? I’d love to hear your experiences.
