If you’ve ever rolled out a perfectly logical plan at work and watched your team push back hard, you’re not alone.
Resistance to change is one of the most frustrating parts of leadership. And honestly, my best lesson on handling it didn’t come from a conference or a management book.
It came at 4:30 on a Wednesday afternoon, while I was watching my toddler try to ride a pink bicycle.
I’m a Professor of Human Resource Development by day and a dad the rest of the time.
Those two worlds bump into each other more than you’d expect.
The Wednesday Afternoon “Leadership” Crisis
My 2-year-old son, whom I’ll call the Head of Negotiations, decided he wanted to ride his older sister’s pink bike. He didn’t care about the color.
He cared about one thing: transporting his team, a small fleet of toy police cars, and support vehicles.
He loaded all three cars onto the front of the bike. As the unofficial Safety Officer of our household, I spotted the problem right away.
Cars near the wheel meant a guaranteed crash. So I did what any manager would do. I stepped in.
My First Move (and Why It Completely Failed)
My first move was a classic. I reached down and moved the cars without saying a word.
My thinking was simple: I know better, and this isn’t safe.
He burst into tears immediately, refused to pedal, and looked at me like I’d just taken away his vacation days.
Here’s the thing about resistance to change: it’s rarely about the change itself.
In my day job, we talk about this all the time. People don’t inherently resist change; they resist when change is done to them instead of with them.
They feel like they’ve lost control of something that was theirs.
So I tried again. I moved the cars to the back seat of the bike, explained it was flat and safe, and thought that would settle it. It didn’t. He still refused to move.
My logic was perfect. It didn’t matter at all. In his mind, I’d broken the whole system.
In under thirty seconds, I’d made three management mistakes. I launched a surprise change without asking for input.
I tried to fix an emotional problem with logic. And most importantly, I was solving the wrong problem entirely.
Understanding the “Why” Behind the Resistance
I stopped. Took a breath. And actually thought about what he needed, not what I thought was best.
Then it hit me.
He’s the Police Chief. His officers need to be where he can see them at all times.
The moment those cars went behind him, they were gone from his world. Out of sight meant out of command.
His whole sense of control depended on being able to see his team.
He didn’t need a safer spot for the cars. He needed to feel like he was still in charge.
I picked the cars up and put them in the front basket, right in his line of sight.
He stopped crying instantly, grabbed the handlebars, and started pedaling. The problem was never the location of the cars.
The problem was that I never asked what he actually needed.
The “Police Cars” in Your Office
It’s easy to laugh at a toddler, but adults do the exact same thing when new software or processes get rolled out at work.
Most employees aren’t resisting the change itself. They’re resisting the feeling of losing visibility, control, or their sense of identity within the new system.
Think about a typical cloud migration. A manager moves all local files to a cloud server because it’s more secure and efficient.
The employee panics because their folders are no longer sitting on their desktop. They feel slow and cut off from their own work.
Instead of arguing about server security, a good manager asks one simple question: “What do you need to feel in control here?”
When the employee says they just need to see their files the moment they log in, the manager helps them set up desktop shortcuts that link to the cloud. Security stays intact.
The employee feels good. Done.
How to Actually Get Buy-In (From Toddlers or Employees)
Whether you’re rolling out new tools or reorganizing a team, here’s what actually works:
1. Ask before you act.
Before moving a tool, process, or responsibility, ask your team what they need from it. The “best” solution on paper is rarely what the person using it actually needs.
2. Understand what they’re afraid of losing.
When someone resists, don’t write them off as difficult.
Ask yourself what they feel like they’re losing. Control? Status? A familiar routine? Address that specific fear, not the surface-level pushback.
3. Never remove without replacing.
If you take something away, give them something equally valuable back. Change feels a lot better when it feels like a trade, not a loss.
4. Make sure they can still see their “police cars.”
People need to feel connected to their work. Dashboards, regular check-ins, and clear communication go a long way toward keeping that sense of visibility alive.
My 2-year-old didn’t just teach me something about parenting that afternoon.
He gave me a clearer picture of what resistance to change actually looks like up close, and why the usual management instincts often make it worse.
Behind every resistant employee is someone who just wants to feel seen, heard, and in control of their own work.
The fastest path to buy-in isn’t a better argument. It’s a better question.
“What do you need to feel good about this change?”
Ask it. Then actually listen to the answer.
Disclaimer: I am a parent and a university educator, not a licensed child psychologist or pediatrician. This guide is based on my personal parenting experience and educational background. Always consult your child’s teacher or pediatrician for professional advice regarding your child’s educational development.
