If you’re reading this at 2 AM after your toddler threw a toy at your face or hit you for the third time today, I get it. You’re exhausted, maybe a little embarrassed, and wondering if your sweet baby has turned into a tiny tornado.
Here’s the truth: hitting and throwing are completely normal toddler behaviors. They’re frustrating, yes, but they don’t mean you’re failing as a parent. Let me share what actually works, based on real-life experience and the recommendations of child development experts.
Why Do Toddlers Hit and Throw Things?
Before we jump into solutions, it helps to understand what’s going on in that little head. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, toddlers often lash out because they haven’t developed the self-control to express their big feelings through words yet.
Your 2-year-old isn’t being mean or manipulative. Their brains are still developing, especially the part that controls impulses. When they feel frustrated, excited, or overwhelmed, hitting or throwing is often the fastest way they know to express themselves.
Think about it—they don’t have the words yet. They can’t say, “Mom, I’m feeling really overstimulated right now and need some space.” Instead, they throw the nearest toy or swat at whoever’s closest.
Common triggers include:
- Being tired or hungry (the terrible combo)
- Too much noise or activity
- Wanting something they can’t have
- Difficulty switching from one activity to another
- Simply wanting your attention
What to Do When Your Toddler Hits (In the Moment)
When your child hits, your reaction matters more than your words. Here’s what actually works:
1. Stay Calm and Act Fast
As noted by child development experts at Zero to Three, a big emotional response from a caregiver can actually reinforce hitting, as any attention—even negative—can encourage the behavior.
I know it’s hard, especially if it hurts. But take a breath. Your toddler is watching your reaction, and a big emotional response can actually reinforce the behavior because they learn it gets your attention.
2. Stop the Action Immediately
Gently but firmly hold their hand or step between them and whoever they’re trying to hit. Use a calm, low voice and say something simple like: “I can’t let you hit. Hitting hurts.” That’s it. No long explanations. Toddlers tune out after about five words anyway.
3. Show Them What Hitting Does
This is where you can get a bit creative. I once took my son’s favorite pink poodle and pretended to hit it gently while making a sad “ow” sound. Then I said, “See? When we hit, it hurts. Your pink poodle is sad now.”
His little face changed immediately. He looked at the pink poodle, then at me, and I could see him processing it.
4. Redirect to Something Positive
Give them one simple alternative: “Hands are for gentle touches. Can you show me gently?” Or if they seem to need physical release: “You can squeeze this pillow instead.”
5. Remove Yourself or the Object
If the hitting continues, don’t give another lecture. Just act. If they’re hitting you, calmly say, “I’m going to move away now because hitting hurts,” and step back for 30 seconds.
How to Stop a Toddler from Throwing Things
Here’s something that might surprise you: throwing is actually a developmental milestone. Your toddler’s brain is literally wired to practice throwing right now. So instead of trying to stop it completely, we need to make it safe.
Create a “Yes” Space for Throwing
Set up a spot where throwing is allowed and even encouraged. It doesn’t have to be fancy. As you can see in my photos, we use:
- Our trusty green laundry basket. (Struggling with clothes?
- Homemade “balls” made from crumpled paper tied with black hair ties
- Soft socks or rolled-up soft towels
Give them “throwing time” for just a few minutes, two or three times a day. When they throw something inappropriate, redirect them: “Toys aren’t for throwing at people, but you can throw these paper balls into the basket. Want to try?”
The One-Minute Toy Time-Out
When they throw a toy dangerously, calmly say, “This toy needs a rest for one minute because we don’t throw at people.” Take it away, set a timer on your phone, and when it beeps, give it back. No lecture needed.
Positive Discipline for Toddler Hitting
Punishment doesn’t work well with toddlers. Their brains aren’t developed enough to connect harsh consequences with their actions. Instead, focus on teaching what TO do.
Teach Simple Words They Can Use Instead
When your child is calm (not in the middle of a meltdown), practice these phrases:
- “Help, please.”
- “My turn”
- “Stop”
Make it playful. My son and I play a game where I take one of his toy cars, and he has to say “my turn” to get it back. When he does, I make a big deal: “You used your words! Here you go!”
Catch Them Being Good
This is huge. When you see gentle hands, praise them immediately: “Wow, such gentle touches! You’re being so kind.” Toddlers repeat behaviors that get positive attention. So if we only pay attention when they hit, guess what they’ll do more of?
Preventing Hitting and Throwing Before It Starts
Watch for Trigger Times
Keep a mental note of when hitting happens most. Is it always before naptime? After daycare? For us, the danger zone is that hour before dinner. My son is tired and hungry, and his fuse is basically non-existent. So now I make sure he has a snack around 4 PM, and I keep activities low-key during that time.
Fill Their Attention Tank
Sometimes hitting is just a (really annoying) way of saying, “Hey, notice me!” I’ve found that giving my kids 5-10 minutes of focused attention before I need to cook dinner actually reduces behavior problems. Get down on the floor, play whatever they want, and be fully present.
A Simple Two-Week Plan That Actually Works
Trying to change everything at once is overwhelming. Here’s a focused approach:
Week 1:
- Pick one phrase to use consistently (“I won’t let you hit”)
- Set up a throwing zone (laundry basket + paper balls) and use it daily.
- Start practicing one replacement word (“help” or “my turn”)
Week 2:
- Continue all of the above.
- Add the toy time-out consequence for unsafe throwing
- Track when hitting happens most and adjust their schedule if needed
The Bottom Line
Learning how to stop a 2-year-old from hitting and throwing things isn’t about finding one magic trick. It’s about staying consistent, keeping your cool (most of the time), and teaching them better ways to express their big feelings.
Some days you’ll nail it. Other days, you’ll find yourself hiding in the bathroom, eating chocolate while your toddler throws blocks at the wall. Both are part of parenting.
The hitting will stop. Your sweet kid is still in there, just learning to navigate a really big world with a really small vocabulary. You’ve got this.
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or child development professional. This guide is based on my personal experience as a parent. The information provided is for educational purposes only and does not substitute for professional medical advice. Always consult with a pediatrician if you have concerns about your child’s behavior.
